My own troubles . 

Everyone has issues.  The one I want to talk about is transgender.  I can’t imagine wanting to become the opposite sex.   Struggling to fit in .  To not be happy with the sex my parents made me .  

First hand I must confess and rightfully so ,   I am a God fearing and God loving woman .  I gave my life to the LORD 25 years ago .  What that means in case some of you readers don’t know . Simply put I love GOD the FATHER , JESUS the Son and The HOLY SPIRIT.  To talk about this would take another time . 

I do know I love people and always want the best for them .  But I have a huge problem with having a sex change .  I quite can’t understand it .  I do however understand struggles of all different kinds.  And I can’t quite grasp this struggle.  Is it a brain issue?  Or is it a heart issue ?  What would make someone feel like they should of been born the opposite gender ?   What makes them feel like that ?  I do know some have said ever sense they were little they always felt different .  I have read articles and watched programs about it .  It makes me sad for the person this affects and their whole family .  Fathers wanting to become mothers after being married and having children .  To me this is not normal .  Nothing in it is normal to me .  But as many of you know some have had the sex change and seem to be happy becoming the opposite sex.  

Something I guess I will never understand .  And something I have never stuggled with .  Believe me I have my own stuggles and I know so do you .  Whether it be you eat to much or you spend to much .  Maybe your hooked on porn or hooked on drugs .  Maybe you love gossip or have a mean spirit .  But whatever it may be .  I still can’t help but to feel so bad with someone struggling with transgender … 
                                               

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Worry 

So you know what they say that we should not worry and that it adds nothing to your life . Actually it takes away from your life .  But for some reason we still worry .  For example you worry about your children or your job.  I actually just lost mine.  And boy if I allow my mind to go there I would be a reck .  So I practice in mind that everything is going to be alright .  I talk to GOD a lot and I keep telling Him that I trust Him completely.  I don’t know how I am going to make it . But in all my years I have made it this far .  And I am going to get threw this without worrying.  

Everyone has a degree of worry .  Some get sick over it .  I mean actually sick .  I know a lady who would break out every time she would worry .  Other people tend to get into a bad mood and snap at you , not because they are mad but because they are worried .  You know people who look so old like they aged over night .  It is usually because they were stressed and worried over sometime tragic in their lives.  Some people eat and eat when they are worried.  That’s called emotional eating . Others don’t eat at all.  For me it can go either way .  Some folks want to get high so they don’t care instead of worrying about it .  That’s called crazy ! 

All I know is that GOD says not to worry .  Right if it were that easy I believe  we all would Not do it .  A lot of the times the things we worry do not come true.  So why do we do it then ?  Ask your self next time you when you start to worry . Is this true ?  Is this right? Is this real ?  Most of the time it is not !  So let’s not worry ….

Writing 

I was never a good student .  I loved talking and messing around in class.  Writing and spelling were my worst subject.   Oh no I think it was math and science?   But never the less I could say I was less then average .  But I love sharing my thoughts and feeling it seems to help me .  Learning to blog is the first step in getting out what is inside me . I have so much that I want to share with anyone who wants to read it.

So I have been told that keeping things in is not good for you .  And writing them releases them .   If you want to share it with others .  That is so quickly possible these days.  With all this social media you could share your thoughts or feeling in an instance .   I want to write first to be vulnerable  with my readers .   In hopes that if they are going though something , that they realize they are not alone.  We have different thoughts and feeling .  Some of our actions are the same .  So I want to share me so you could share you and not feel like you are the only one with those thoughts .  Or believe you are the only one going though what you are going though.  Try and remember that someone is going though it even worse  then you .  I may not be the best writer but I giving you a part of me and I hope whatever you are going though I can give you hope and maybe you can give a part of you away……

Thoughts

My thoughts seem constant from the moment I wake up until my eyes close and I fall asleep.  So many different thoughts running though my mind.  It could be a thought about him or a thought about her.  From food to a car or a bill .  Maybe I think about shoes and losing weight?  But then there are the days when you think about the things that you don’t want to.  I do understand how it is better not to know certain things or to do certain things because then they are always with you.

If you are anything like me you have a lot of things in your mind.  You can try to let go and you do great but then a song or a smell or a place and it brings you back.  You feel the pain all over again  and a tear runs down your cheek.  You can repeat to yourself this too shall pass and it does.  It is not has painful as before when you (me)  were  in the fetal position on the ground sobbing uncontrollable.  Today it could be one tear or on harder days a little weeping.   But this is part of my mind I am full of emotions.   I really would not want it any other way because I am who I am…..

Heal part 2

I want to be spiritual and to think I am somebody , but I am just like everyone else.  Trying to do good and live my life on the good road.  I believe when we draw close to God He draws near to us.  If you seek Him and ask Him to show you yourself He will.  But just be prepared you might not like it.  I am not saying that every area of you (me) is bad .  We all have great gifts and talents. I am talking about the ones in which cause you trouble.  The ones that cause you pain or cause you to stumble.

I do understand when Paul talks about this in Romans 7:15-20. But the revelation that I received from the SPIRIT made me have to look at myself once again.  He showed me that I can easily get my focus off of Him.  I am always striving to be better and once my marriage fell apart.   I vowed never again to put anyone nor anything before Him.  He showed me that I truly never devoted everything to Him.   I know that I need to let go of every area of my life.  Then I can truly heal.   God has always taken care of my needs I trust Him then I need to live like I do.  Not for the world to see but for me in my soul in my heart where only He sees.    But Thank God  He loves me enough to show me and help me to change.  It is not easy but I am worth it and so are you……

 

Heal

You can not heal that which you choose not to feel .  Come on Christ followers.   Lets get real and start with the issues at hand.   Maybe one at a time, but we have to be willing.  I must tell you that it is very painful to look at yourself.  But it is so worth it.  You are so worth it.  I have had to do this time and time again.  It seems it is so much easier to justify our actions or blame other people.  But in reality in the end it will only be you and Christ.  So Ask the SPIRIT and HE will show it. You too can receive freedom.

Tomorrow I will reveal something that The SPIRIT revealed to me.  I did not like it but now that I know it  I can change it and change it for the better. Amen…